December 2011
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Why you should never drunk text a Whovian.
A friend of mine randomly got a drunk text from a stranger. She then did something that has earned my respect and awe. A transcript of her conversation follows. Some of this may be familiar to you.
Warning: VERY LONG. Also, words that I don't like have been bleeped out. Use your imagination.
[Transcript] Drunk Person: "tortyly drunk riht now. straight men everwhere."
Erykah: "Oh, thank God! I finally made contact! Listen, I need your help, but you're in great danger."
DP: "ni**a say wat?"
E: "Listen, my name's the Doctor. I'm a time traveler, or I was. I'm stuck in 1969 with my friend and I need your help to get my spaceship back."
DP: "u hav a spceshit?"
E: "Yes. It's a big blue box that says 'Police Call Box' on it."
DP: "dat doesnt sound liek a spceshp. gay."
E: "Hey! Don't diss the TARDIS!"
DP: "tarsiddd???"
E: "No. TARDIS. Time And Relative Dimension In Space. You see, I'm a Time Lord from ANOTHER planet called Gallifrey."
DP: "y u not there now?"
E: "Well...A long time ago, there was a war and all my people died except for me. I'm the last Time Lord. So I travel through time and space lending a hand wherever I can."
DP: "woahhhh. thats relly sad."
E: "Yes, it is. But now is no time to cry. You're in a lot of danger and you need to help me."
DP: "waot. how r u in 1996?"
E: "I'm in 1969. And it's really complicated."
DP: "oh."
E: "People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff."
DP: "im cofussed."
E: "Well, try and keep up! Never mind the wibbly stuff. All that matters is that they've taken it! The angels have the phone box."
DP: "wut angels?"
E: "Have you ever seen like a statue of an angel? At a church or a cemetary or something?"
DP: "ya."
E: "Well, they're not angels. They're creatures from another worlds. Aliens like me, except they're very, very bad."
DP: "dat maeks sense. they alwys creepeed me out. i thought theyre jus statues tho."
E: "Good eye, you've got. But they're not. They're only statues when you're looking directly at them. Once you look away, they become deadly."
DP: "whaaa?"
E: "Listen, Lonely assassins, they were called. No-one knows where they came from. They're as old as the universe, or very nearly. They've survived this long as they have the most perfect defence system ever evolved. They are quantum-locked. They don't exist when being observed. The moment they're seen by any other living creature they freeze into rock. No choice. It's a fact of their biology. In the sight of any living thing, they literally turn to stone. And you can't kill a stone. Course, a stone can't kill you either. But then you turn your head away, then you blink, and oh, yes it can! Notice how they always look like they're crying in the cemetaries? They're always covering their eyes?"
DP: "dats nuts! ya, ive seen dat."
E: "There's a reason for that. They're not weeping, they can't risk looking at each other. Their greatest asset is their greatest curse. They can never be seen. The loneliest creatures in the universe. And I'm sorry, I am very, very sorry, it's up to you now.
DP: "but wut can i do? tis was all thrustted uopn me!"
E: "The blue box, it's my time machine. There is a world of time energy in there they could feast on forever. The damage they can do can switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me!"
DP: "ahhhhhh!!! im scrrd! idk wut 2 do! im srsly gon hav a pnic attck."
E: I'm afraid I can't help you any further. I'm stuck in 1969, but I think you're clever enough to think of something. FIND THE BLUE BOX AND GET IT BACK TO ME! The angels have it and you NEED to find it or it's all going to be over."
DP: "dont go doctr! help me!11211!!"
E: "They're coming. The angels are coming for you. But listen, your life could depend on this. Don't blink! Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast, faster than you can believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink! Good luck!"
DP: "ik! angels hng out in gravyards rite? ill check thar 1st."
E: "Wherever you feel the need to look. I have no idea because I'm trapped 42 years in the past. Wherever you do go, just remember DON'T BLINK."
DP: "omfg. holy shit. i'll find teh box and teh angels and ill text u wen i find it. goodbi doctr. uve liked changgged me life."
[/Transcript]
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Adventures of Comic Book Girl: Mary Sue, what are... →
Good read - a feminist view of Mary Sues.
adventuresofcomicbookgirl:
Looks like this essay was needed, so I went ahead and did it. Not sure I said everything I wanted to say, but I tried.
So, there’s this girl. She’s tragically orphaned and richer than anyone on the planet. Every guy she meets falls in love with her, but in between torrid romances she rejects…
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WatchI made a video! Okay so it’s not exactly brilliant, but it’s something I might have to look into a bit more. This one involves baking, eating food, tree decorating and a visit from Santa at my dinner party a couple of weeks ago.
Check it out on ChiGarden - Christmas Feast.
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WatchIf Wicked was done in traditional 2D animation. I hope this happens; there’s so much power in just the storyboard! I’m not sure a live action movie would capture the fantastical story and theatre of the whole thing as well as animation could.
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'Stop Telling Women To Do Startups' →
We need to get more guys who are running tech startups instead decide to be stay-at-home dads.
What do you think of that? Stupid, right? That’s what it sounds like when anyone suggests that we need to get more women doing startups.
Why is this stupid? We should be encouraging more men to stay at home and look after children. The more socially acceptable it becomes the more women will have an...
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Christmas Party Shopping
Totally not counting on my $50-per-week budget, as they are ‘household expenses’ right?
lots of butter
plain flour
eggs
liquid glucose
edible silver glitter (maybe!)
organic truss tomatoes
turkey (oh yes)
Christmas tree
tree decorations
It’s a bring-a-dish sort of affair, but as hosts we’re handling one of the mains (turkey!) and dessert. I’m going to be...
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Inspiration Lined Pad
This is rather awesome.
kathryntyler:
Marc Thomasset
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TSUN, TSUN EVERYWHERE: I Kissed A Girl, Part I:... →
feministglee:
So, can we all just settle down and agree that women fuck everything up, always, and they can’t make decisions or fight their own battles without the help of a man? I mean, really. It’s a universal truth, right?
…no? Not so much? That’s utter bullshit? Most rational human…
Yep, so much about this latest episode just felt wrong. Obviously I don’t know what it feels...
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$50 Challenge
$11 - kebab for drunk husband (is it just me, or is it plain irresponsible to hold a Christmas party that starts straight after work but doesn’t provide food? Also that doesn’t let partners attend?)
$50 - Christmas lunch with my girls at Darlington Estate Winery (hell yeah Entertainment card 2-for-1 mains)
Total: $61.
Tad over, but better than I thought I’d do this week!
...
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